Unveiling silence: my thoughts on the book Erotic stories for Punjabi widows by Balli Kaur Jaswal

 

For my birthday, I gifted myself Erotic Stories for Punjabi Widows by Balli Kaur Jaswal. The book follows Nikki, a young British Punjabi Sikh woman raised in London. She lives alone above the pub where she works as a bartender but takes on a side job in Southall, a traditional Punjabi community. Her role is supposed to be teaching widows how to write, but due to a misunderstanding, the class transforms into storytelling sessions where these elderly women begin sharing erotic tales.

At first, Nikki is taken aback by the explicit nature of the stories, but soon enough, she realizes that this storytelling is an act of empowerment. These women—mostly widows—are often invisible in their community, dismissed by others, and confined by strict expectations. Through these stories, they find their voice and a space to express themselves.

What I loved most was delving into the private lives of these women—their pasts, their struggles, and how they navigate life in a community bound by honor and tradition. The storytelling sessions reveal more about their lives as widows, their intimate moments, and their challenges. These parts felt real and poignant, far more engaging than the actual erotic stories themselves. After the first two or three stories, I found myself more drawn to the women’s lives and the community’s dynamics than the tales they told.

Another layer to the book is Nikki’s own story. While she’s navigating her independent life in London, her sister is taking a more traditional route, searching for a husband through an arranged marriage. There’s also Nikki’s romantic subplot with Jason, which I personally felt was unnecessary. It didn’t add much to the story for me and could have been left out entirely without affecting the overall narrative.

What did stand out was the exploration of the honor-based culture in this community. There’s a chilling subplot about two girls who were murdered to protect the community’s honor. It was haunting but also deeply compelling, as it shed light on the immense pressures and expectations placed on women to conform and uphold family values.

Reading this book reminded me of an Indian friend I met during my studies in the Netherlands. She was modern and European in so many ways—she went to parties, drank with us, and seemed independent. Yet, she always knew she’d have to return to India and likely marry someone chosen for her. This contrast between personal freedom and cultural expectations stayed with me, just as it did while reading this book.

The book also reminded me of my time in New Zealand, where I met two Indian couples navigating arranged marriages. One couple seemed genuinely happy—they had felt an instant connection despite meeting through family arrangements. The other couple, however, painted a much different picture. The woman seemed deeply unhappy, bound to a life she hadn’t chosen.

She had moved from India to New Zealand to be with her new husband, whom she had met through an online website designed for arranging marriages. She explained how her parents had uploaded her photos and a description of her onto the site. After a few online meetings with her future husband, the arrangement was finalized. She left everything she knew—her home, family, and friends—to start a completely new life with a stranger on another continent.

This memory stayed with me, as it showed two very different realities of arranged marriages—one rooted in happiness and compatibility, and the other steeped in sacrifice and isolation.

As someone raised in a different culture where arranged marriages aren’t the norm, I found this book both eye-opening and thought-provoking. It’s hard to imagine growing up with such expectations, where your personal choices are often secondary to tradition and family honor.

In the end, I found Erotic Stories for Punjabi Widows to be a very interesting book. It shines a light on the lives of women who are often overlooked, giving them a platform to express themselves and share their stories. If I had to critique anything, I’d say the romantic subplot with Jason and some of the erotic stories weren’t really necessary. What kept me hooked were the layers of culture, the widows’ personal stories, and the broader commentary on community and tradition.

It’s a book that stays with you, making you think about the voices we don’t often hear and the lives that go unseen.